Friday, 12 September 2014

How the internet began


In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.

Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg.

Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.

The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.

He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

Saturday, 12 July 2014

If you were born in the 40s 50s or 60s

Remember this 

1930's, 1940's, 50's,  and 60's.
First, we survived being born to mothers who  smoked and/or drank Sherry while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos...
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, bread and dripping, raw egg products, loads of bacon  and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that  trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured  lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the  risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
Take away food was limited to fish and chips; no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Nandos.
Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on a Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death!
We shared one soft drink with four friends,  from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers and Bubble Gum.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter, milk from the cow, and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were  O..K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.  We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.
We did not have Playstations,  Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY, no video/dvd films, or colour TV;
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat  rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.
Only girls had pierced  ears!
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
You could only buy  Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter  time....
We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the  bell, or just yelled for them!
Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we didn't need to keep up with the Jones's!
Not everyone made - -the rugby/football/cricket/netball team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.  Imagine that!! 
Getting into the team was based on
Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and throw the blackboard rubber at us if they thought we weren't concentrating. 

We can string sentences together and spell and have proper conversations because of a good, solid three R's education.
Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger to help us cross the road. 
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They  actually sided with the law!
Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade'  and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla''
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO

And YOU are one of  them!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the  lawyers and the government regulated our lives 'for our own  good'.
Also; while you are at it; forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore .

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

The year 2013

Firstly let me say a happy prosperous and healthy new year to you all.

Well this year has been a year of many changes some good, some sad,some disappointing and some new and fun. 

The year started on a very sad note with the Lovely Boo passing over the rainbow bridge to be with all her old buddies. The Boo

Within a few weeks we had adopted the Tramp, he needed a home and I really did miss having a companion.The adventures of The Tramp

After all the work I did on the barge Becky last year I decided to put her up for sale. The Barge Becky Things had changed at Heybridge, and most not for the better, so decided it was time for a change, I think I was also bored and needed a new adventure.

After a lot of time wasters, dreamers and idiots finally had a lady and her daughter make me an offer I could accept and live with. So next came the survey, what a fiasco that turned out to be. The surveyor was so busy trying to impress Kate, the potential new owner, with his expertise and knowledge of Dutch barges that he totally missed 4 weak spots around the stern fortunately picked up by the boatyard and repaired .  

And so after what seemed to take an age said my farewell to the Becky and Heybridge on the 24 Aug in a violent rain storm and headed to Gosport to start the hunt for a narrow boat and a new adventure. 

Didn't take long to find just what I was looking for The Penarrow Two tramps on a boo. Boo. B. Do: The Penarrow soon to be the Boo. Boo. B. Do and after some haggling she became mine on the 15 Sep .

And on the 20th Sep me and the Tramp set off on a new adventure Two tramps on a boo. Boo. B. Do

So an eventful year with hopefully more to come. 

I've written things this way as it would take so long putting in all the detail in one long letter.

An old duffer using modern  technology  

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

RBS and why you wouldn't think that we owned it.

Trundled along to the bank at Fareham on Monday, it being my local branch of RBS. Wanted to open another Acc specifically to use for the boat and pay a cheque in to open it. Now considering that I already have a savings Acc and. Current Acc at this branch I mistakenly thought it would be simple.

I went armed with my credit and debit card as well as my driving licence as proof of identity. Not enough by all *accounts* I also should have had proof of address like a utility bill or electoral roll registration. But the address is on my driving licence, not enough. But I didn't have this trouble when I transferred my Acc here so why now. Bank policy.

Well this is the Lezwilki policy. I shall go down the road to another bank and open an Acc there, first checking that should I in future want to open an additional Acc I don't have to beg to do so, then I shall transfer all to the new bank.

Is it any wonder that RBS is still in the shit.

On the way home I stopped to register with a Doctor, as I'm new to the area, filled in the appropriate forms showed them my driving licence, which they photo copied, and hey presto registered and they will now supply me with drugs should I need them whereas I couldn't even give the fruggin bank my money.

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

A change of address

Went on line to change the address on my driving licence. Filled in my new address and where asked put in my previous address, the one on my existing driving licence and on the counterpart, I did so only to be told that the address doesn't exist. Checked it and retyped it but nope it doesn't exist even though they sent me a form to fill in when I reached 70 and renewed it until 2014. Does this mean that the licensing authority have issued a licence to an address. That they now deem to be nonexistent. Couldn't continue with the online application so went to the post office and specifically asked for the form to change the address on my driving licence. Was handed a form along with envelope and assorted leaflets. Should have checked before leaving the counter what I got was an application for for a driving licence . Looked at the length of the queue and gave up and went home. Decided to phone, after waiting in a queue for 20 minutes I gave up and have decided to wait until they send me a renewal form next year if I don't die of fucking frustration first. 

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

One of the reasons why I'm an Atheist

One of the reasons why I'm an atheist 

I know this is not very well written but it has made me so angry that I have found it very difficult to write 

Heard from a very dear old friend the other week, it's taken me this long to come to terms with what she told me, she moved to America with her husband many years ago and every year or so we write to update each other on how our lives are progressing.

In her last letter Grace told me she had cancer and was waiting for the result of the diagnosis. Then I got an email, very unusual as she always liked to write, it was from Phil her husband and this is where the horrid part begins.

Grace had just received a letter from her daughter in law saying that they, her and their son, didn't want her to see them or the grandchildren as their pastor, they belong to one of those cranky community religions, had told them that only evil people get cancer and that to stay pure they should have no contact. 

This community is one of those that requires its followers to give its wealth and property to the church, something Grace and Phil refused to do when they were invited to join, and to have as little contact as possible with outsiders.

Both Grace and Phil have pleaded but to no avail, all this has not helped Grace with her illness only making her feel that perhaps this is all her fault. How cruel that when she most needs their support they turn away. 

Fortunately they have another son who lives up in Canada who when he heard immediately traveled down to be with them and has now persuaded them to move up with him and his family.

Fortunately Grace's cancer is of the manageable type and Phil's Co insurance has agreed to their cover in Canada, think drugs are cheaper there, so although they have regrets that are going to move. When they told the son and daughter in law all they said was that they would pray for them but if they wanted to write to the grandchildren could they do it by email as they would have to vet it before letting them read it. Now how callus is that. 

Waiting to here when they move also been trying to find out more about this so called Christian sect but understandably Phil and Grace don't want to talk about it. 

Think it's a sad and horrible thing to happen at any time but when you reach our age and it happens its got to be so much harder