Friday, 12 September 2014

How the internet began


In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.

Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg.

Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.

The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.

He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

Saturday, 12 July 2014

If you were born in the 40s 50s or 60s

Remember this 

1930's, 1940's, 50's,  and 60's.
First, we survived being born to mothers who  smoked and/or drank Sherry while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos...
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, bread and dripping, raw egg products, loads of bacon  and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that  trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured  lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the  risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
Take away food was limited to fish and chips; no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Nandos.
Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on a Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death!
We shared one soft drink with four friends,  from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers and Bubble Gum.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter, milk from the cow, and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were  O..K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.  We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.
We did not have Playstations,  Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY, no video/dvd films, or colour TV;
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat  rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.
Only girls had pierced  ears!
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
You could only buy  Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter  time....
We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the  bell, or just yelled for them!
Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we didn't need to keep up with the Jones's!
Not everyone made - -the rugby/football/cricket/netball team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.  Imagine that!! 
Getting into the team was based on
Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and throw the blackboard rubber at us if they thought we weren't concentrating. 

We can string sentences together and spell and have proper conversations because of a good, solid three R's education.
Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger to help us cross the road. 
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They  actually sided with the law!
Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade'  and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla''
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO

And YOU are one of  them!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the  lawyers and the government regulated our lives 'for our own  good'.
Also; while you are at it; forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore .